It’s been a while since the last post. Will there be a lot of updates? Not really.
A lot happened, but most of it is not very interesting to write about. Or maybe it is, but I’m not that good to make it sound interesting.
Work
Since January, I’m an employee again at an IT company. In December I left my previous company after almost 10 years. Was it a hard decision? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. It was becoming a toxic relationship: no one was happy.
The new company is going through a merger with another company of the same size, so a big part of my daily work is about data integration.
And by data integration I mean the usual wonderful mix of ERP, CRM, monitoring systems, ticketing systems, “temporary” solutions that became production years ago, the usual stuff you’ll find in a mid-sized company… but twice the fun.
But you know what? I have colleagues now, real people around me all day. Most of them are also nice, not bad at all to have someone to talk to on coffee breaks.
At the moment I’m working with Python, but I didn’t give up on functional programming yet. We’ll see.
Personal
I’ve been tired.
Anxiety came back a bit harder around the end of February or the beginning of March. Agoraphobia too, which is the worst part.
There are good periods and bad periods. This is not one of the best ones.
I’m trying to look at it more seriously this time. Anxiety is not always just fear of something specific. Sometimes it’s a very efficient avoidance system. It keeps you busy with symptoms, so you don’t have to look too closely at what’s underneath.
Fear of not being good enough. Fear of disappointing people. Fear of losing stability.
Fear of ending up again in a place I already visited between 2002 and 2007, and I don’t really want to visit again.
I’m doing a more structured cognitive-behavioral therapy. It’s not magic, and it’s not fun, but it helps… let’s call it a work in progress.
So? I work. I get tired. I try to manage anxiety. I do some gardening. I think about programming languages more than I actually use them in my free time.
Not very exciting, I know.